Learning with loss: an obituary

Hello wandering hearts.

I was handed some hard news over the weekend and I’m working to understand my emotions surrounding this.

I found out Sunday morning that my biological father had passed away Saturday night from a heart attack.

Now before I get too far into this I have to say that I was blessed to have a Dad who not only stepped up when my bio father didn’t but my Dad adopted me and gave me his last name to make sure the rest of the world knew I was his. With that said – my bio father was a functioning drug addict all of my life. He made terrible self-centered choices that hurt my loved ones and myself (because that’s what addiction does).

I’m sad for my sister, who was closer to him, and is feeling his loss harder than I am. I’m sad for my 10 year old self who once upon a time used to wish this man I knew nothing about would come rescue me when I was angry with my parents. And I’m sad because I still wished to the day he died that he would figure out that his kids want him around.

As I process all my emotions I realized that he probably won’t have a decent obituary so if you’ll bare with my raw emotions and my truthfulness about who he was I’d like to share with you his obituary that I’ve written.

Love & Light


Harry Jerome Sarnowski Jr.


Harry Jerome Sarnowski Jr (Jerry) passed away suddenly on October 21, 2017 in Everett, Washington. Jerry was born November 7th, 1964 to Suzanne (Brandt) and Harry Jerome Sarnowski Sr in Los Angeles, California. He was the eldest of three boys.

Jerry married his first wife, Karen, in 1983. The following year his first daughter Ally was born. They divorced a few years later. In 1988 Jerry married his second wife, Jolene, and the next year they had their daughter, Sarah.

Jerry loved to fish. He also liked to spend time with friends.

He is survived by his daughters, wife, 2 brothers, 2 step brothers and 1 step sister, his father and step mother. He was proceeded in death by his mother.

There will not be a service however he will be remember by his family and friends.


Time for some motivation? You betcha!

Here we are almost halfway through the year and I don’t know about you but my goals have changed a bit thanks to giant life changes that my family is going through. I have dropped some of my original goals (such as a family vacation to California) and replaced it with more necessary goals (such as a second evening job working from home). In the process I have found my motivation, namely these two monkeys.


I realize that I want them to see their mama reach the goals she sets for herself. And in doing that they realize that they can do anything they are willing to work hard for.

So right now I/we are just at the beginning stages and it’s kinda scary to see the steps we are going to go through but (A) I love a good adventure/growing phase and (B) I know we will come out changed for the better. See this for motivation.

And then there is this (which is my current motto)


So my goals currently aren’t small by any means but they are also not optional.

1. Get a part time evening job you can work from home. (Need to make up income for my budget which says I don’t have enough money for my month)

2. Take excellent care of myself. (If I don’t there will be no way of taking care of goal #1 or my children)

3. Lose 80lbs of fat. (As I stand currently my body is starting to show me how it’s not happy with me. Time to make it happy.)

4. Make sure that my boys feel and know that they are loved and that mommy is going to take them to do fun things! (List of fun thing to follow!)

So this is where I stand. 4 goals. All necessary. All transformative.

Where are you with your new year’s goals? Have they changed your life? Or have they changed all together? Do they still inspire you?


Losing Weight: Movement & Food

Hello Divine Wanderers!

  I am not sure about you but I have struggles with my weight most of my life. When I say struggled I don’t mean anything extreme like eating disorders but I have always been overweight and have never had the discipline to stick with a healthy change in my life.   I have finally hit the point where I’m trying to be honest with myself and I’m not happy with how my body looks but I’m not looking to fit into a certain dress size, instead I want my body to feel healthy and I want need to be able to keep up with both my little boys. I’m tired of being in discomfort and pain all the time.

With that said, I have decided to get my body into good health and not just to let it teeter on the fence of health and sickness on either side.

My overall goals look like:
    1. Daily movement get to 10,000+ steps daily by 12/31/14 (as counted by my FitBit Flex)
    2. Weight under 200 by 12/31/14
    3. Vegetarian/vegan entirely by 12/31/14
The baby steps to get me to my goals are the following:
    1. Walk daily at 7pm for at least 30 minutes
    2. Choose more veggies and fruits over meat
    3. Add yoga before bed 5-10 minutes nightly
    4. Work on hitting the water intake goal of 90 ounces per day.

I plan to find my inspiration and motivation in my foods and in blogs that have great whole food vegan/vegetarian recipes and on my Pinterest boards found here.
    1. Food
    – Quinoa garlic and pan fried veggies
    – Mexican quinoa, black beans, avocado

     2. Blogs
    – Vegan Richa (veganricha.com)
    – Oh She Glows (ohsheglows.com)
    – Happy Herbivore (happyherbivore.com)
    – Post Punk Kitchen (theppk.com)
What are your movement and food goals/wishes? What “bad” habits are you looking to let go of?

Finding the beauty in the chaos

Hello darling wanderers!

Welcome to my special space of chaos! We have been trying to acclimate to our new addition and help my toddler find his stride in being a brother and no longer an only child. I’m really proud to report that he’s doing a great job of the transition. I won’t lie and say all is perfect – it’s far from it – he’s still a 2 year old and has his melt downs and his ignoring me drives me up the wall. But he’s healthy and most of the time he’s happy, so I’m not going to complain.

As I start to find my routine with my boys I have started to find my lulls and highs in my energy. The lulls hit me really hard in the morning but afternoon and night give me the energy to attempt to keep everything functioning.

My house needs a second mom to keep up with the cleaning – especially with the pet hair which apparently is something the baby might be allergic to. :-/


This week I will be working on schedule planning, which will include cleaning,  activities for the boys, and exercising. I know that I need to be a bit more consistent in certain things I haven’t been doing but should be.

Next week we begin implementation!  🙂

What are the things you want to change in your life this summer? Have they been hindering you or will they help you?

The transition from one child to two

Well here we are a little over 3 weeks postpartum.  My life consists now of an 8lb little thing and my nonstop 2.5 year old. My life is far more nonstop and fulfilled than I ever imagined. It’s a beautiful kind of chaos.

It has definitely been a learning curve – finding wind down time for myself in between making bottles or breastfeeding and running after my little man and giving him one on one attention so he doesn’t resent the baby. And I’m slowly working on my relationship with my husband into the mix.


My body is coming back to its original size slowly but surely. I plan to start working out as soon as the doctor clears me for it. Going to start with daily yoga, more walking, and some circuit training.
By the end of the year I will be down to 200 lbs and my ultimate goal is to fit into a size 12 – so 6 sizes to go! 🙂


What are your goals for this year? What are you doing to accomplish them?? What changes have you made this year that you are proud of the most????

Love and light